Things Raising My Hackles Today

Reading the sentence "I have to say, I really admire how much Chris Brown and Rihanna are changing the sound of American pop," and realizing there wasn't any hint of sarcasm.

Guys with popped collars. Especially if they're layering collared shirts. Just add a bluetooth headset, and you've officially upgraded to a Douche Bag Deluxe.

People from the department down the hall bringing their crotch fruit to work like it was a state-registered daycare facility.

The downstairs neighbors saying they would rather water the lawn than mow, yet never putting a drop of water on the grass. It will be watered with their blood if they don't get to it soon.

Magazines becoming D-grade blogs in paper form: Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly, and the Advocate instantly jump to mind. You have to learn to compete with the new media, not ape it in a less interesting way.

Speaking of the Advocate, please stop putting (allegedly) *cough* gay people on your cover who refuse to admit that they're gay. Anderson Cooper must be a lesbian's walking wet dream, because he's one of the biggest twats I've ever seen.