Thursday, August 31, 2006

Snakes On A Plane absolutely brilliant! I thought I'd hate it, but it's simply astounding, because it's the best worst movie of all time. Imagine taking every bad film cliche, rolling it into a big ball, and throwing Samuel L. Jackson in the mix. Out pops one of the funnest films I've seen in a long time. My friends and I were howling with laughter during most of the film. Lines like "get this snake off my dick!!!" couldn't work with just any other film.

I highly recommend it. Highly.

I'm also awaiting the porno version, "Skanks On My Wang."

Stress Management

I'm stressed right now. A couple of big deadlines, both work related, are due this Friday, and they're really pressing on my mind. The podcasting thing is a nightmare, because it's too much too fast, and we're not set up to accomodate students with the listening process. I'm a little jaded too, because I feel like this grant was done just to get some of the faculty shiny new video iPods for free, rather than for true educational purposes. And yes, I'm jaded that I'm doing all the work for this damn project, but don't get a video iPod for doing it, which sucks because they're handing them out like STDs around here; any old whore gets one for free.

I also have a bunch of stuff to do for school, and it just never seems like there's enough time in the day. Cleaning, laundry, time with friends, and all of the basic needs are going neglected right now, and I'm frustrated with it. I need to figure out some way to add an extra day to the week, or hire a maid, or steal Riddlin from little kids, or beat a small child with a bottle of Riddlin. Whichever has a greater cathartic effect as this point in time. I just need a break.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Superman on IMAX

200% bigger. 100% just as lame.

Nice Hooters

Rui and I experienced our first Hooters this weekend in Boise. The food was that "middle-of-the-road-overprocessed-food-chain-too-expensive" food that you get just about everywhere anymore, so I can't really complain. A 20-something ounce Guinness on draught just about made me wet myself with pleasure though. Ah, how I've missed the Guinness on draught.

In Hooters, I saw: one child smack her face on the floor, one waitress chase said child around the booths, one twelve-year-old boy about cream his trousers watching said waitress, one shocked waitress (for other reasons), one small child double-fisting curly fries, one amazing set of fake breasts, and a handful of horny men.

Maybe it's just Boise where the theme could be "Hooters: It's All About Families."

Friday, August 25, 2006

Hawaiian Shirts

Today was ISU's official "ugly ass Hawaiian shirt day." It had to be. It seemed like everywhere I was on campus, I was surrounded by at least two of the ugly ass shirts.

They were cropping up in Anthropology, dominated in Astronomy, and littered the SUB. One was even paired with Crocs, which was enough to make me consider an old-fashioned stake burning, a la Joan of Arc. The worst, however, was the basalisk's-glare like horror of my boss's Hawaiian shirt. I'm convinced it was somehow nuclear powered. It had to be, to burn my eyes that bad.

Not to sound all Carrie Bradshaw, but has our culture devolved to the point where ugly is the new beauty?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Which Is Most Shocking?

Apparently, Pluto is no longer classified as a planet, because it "couldn't dominate its orbit around the Sun in the same way as the other planets." Yeah, I have no idea what that means either. It sounds slightly similar to erectile dysfunction to me, which makes me want to point at Pluto and giggle. Now I'm left imagining the Disney dog wearing a gimp mask and sporting a limp penis, which makes me want to giggle even harder, and vomit a little.

In other shocking news, Plan-B (commonly known as the Morning-After Pill) will be available over the counter. Unless you're under the age of 18, in which case you'll need a prescription and parent's notification. Yeah, because that's going to happen. So, while I'm shocked as hell that we're actually allowing Plan-B in pharmacies, I'm equally shocked that Anne Coulter hasn't been all over the media ranting, raving, and screaming about this development. Oh yeah, nevermind... I forgot that Anne Coulter "allegedly" has a penis, and thus doesn't need to worry about Plan-B. (Note: by "allegedly" I mean "absolutely," but don't want to be sued, so we'll stick with "allegedly.")

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Ugly Photos

Someone emailed me some of the most hideous pictures to ever be taken with a digital camera. Okay, maybe not the MOST hideous, as that would involve naked photos of my parents, but this is pretty damn close. I almost wretched all over the desk at work.

Lesson of the day? Sometimes email can be used for dastardly purposes.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Pod People

I've been given a new assignment at work this week. I'm supposed to develop a website section for my office about creating Podcasts.

Educational podcasts... zzzzzzzz... oh, sorry... didn't mean to *yawn* get all groggy on you there.

Podcast + Education = Boring Crap

This is a prime example of where something cool is being ruined by an even stronger uncool force. It's like Christian Professional Wrestling or midget porn...there's just something innately wrong with it.

Hot Swappable

I made some changes to my school schedule this afternoon. First, I dropped Pathobiology like it was hot after the first session. It seems that it builds upon recently learned factoids from Anatomy and Physiology. That's great and all, unless it's been a few years (like 3 or more) since you took A&P. The professor suggested I "brush up by reading the A&P book this weekend." Sure. 500 pages worth of heavy text. I'll make sure to give myself a steel wool enema while I'm at it, just to help things go quicker.

Since Pathocrapology was no longer an option, I had to find a class to replace the needed credits so I can graduate in December. Looks like I'm now registered for Astronomy class. I'm going to learn about the stars and mythology and pretty much be bored out of my mind. I may choose to spice things up by taking my tarot cards and bitching loudly and often about how I was under the impression I'd signed up for Astrology class instead, and how the psychic in Harry Potter got a bum rap from J.K. Rowling.

I also had to drop my Persuasive Video course. It's some sort of advertising/video course. I really wanted to take it, but honestly didn't want to be saddled down with 18 credits this term. I was thinking more like 13, but I'm still at nearly 16. This sucks. Now I have to decide between taking Visual Anthropology, or doing extra work through independent study and doing Film Production on my own. Either way, I've already laid the ground work through projects in the UK that I wanted to redo in a better manner. And by "better" I mean "give a shit about" because I basically did the minimum over there. Hey, don't look at me that way. I'm a victim of the system here, buddy.

Monday, August 14, 2006


Okay, so the new "Google Blogger" vomit that I just had to click through a bunch of times is pure and utter bollocks! Saying I can switch by just clicking two places, and then saying, "oh, we forgot to mention, it's only available on a silly random selection basis... please play again" totally gets my blood boiling.

Bollock, I say! Bollocks!!

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Ack! An entire week without blogging, after my rediscovered joy in writing posts. It's been one hell of a week. Going to airports, meeting guys from Dallas, babysitting two dogs, watching a home, feeling overwhelmingly responsible all of the sudden... it wears a guy out!

I'm also busy working on the brochure that I mentioned last week. It's such a time consuming process, and it hasn't been going the quickest lately. It's one of those things that's best to be able to just sit uninterrupted for a few days, but I don't have that luxury right now. We're still trying to figure out what to do, since one of our printers won't send us the file we need, and the other one came in a few thousand dollars higher on the bid than expected. Arrgh....

I'm hoping to get some stuff done around the house tonight too, and see if that helps me to feel more relaxed. It's hard to not get stressed when you're battling with suitcases and piles of clothes every morning. Rui was kind enough to organize the kitchen the other day, and that was a huge burden lifted off my back. Now, if only the rest of the new flat would fall in line.

One of the weirdest things about this week is that I'm missing England like crazy. I think a large part of it had to do with the freedom I had there, and lack of silly responsibilities, and I really crave it again. I just hope I get to return soon.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Off On a Jaunt

I was going to post the weekly Comic Review today, but due to some reciprocal manual labor last night, I didn't have time to read more than one of the comics. I'll probably get to it in a few days, when I have more time, and can actually remember what all I bought. There were a few first isssues in the batch this week.

Rui arrives in the Divided States of Amurika tomorrow evening, so I'm driving down to SLC to pick him up. I know that it's all going to be a huge culture shock for him. It was bad enough for me coming back from Europe, and I knew what to expect. I'm sure he'll marvel for days at the percentage of buffarillos around here. A buffarillo is one of the morbidly, morbidly obese with cheese you see around here (hat tip: Syndie, by way of Kevin.)

I'm leaving for SLC tonight, so I can hang out with my nieces tomorrow. They're demanding that I take them to BC Chicken and clothes shopping tomorrow. My sister's still laid up from her knee surgery, and my B-I-L sure as hell wouldn't take them. It's up to me that they don't look like total tools at school this next year. Good thing they're actually rather fashionable and popular... everything I wasn't growing up.

I'll post again in a few days, and report on Rui's culture shock.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Artistic Insecurity

I'm sure I mentioned that one of the worst parts about culture shock and reverse culture shock is the devestating insecurity that goes with it. It seems like any shred of self-esteem and faith in yourself flies right out the window.

I thought that I was done with reverse culture shock. Yes, I still get angry about stupid things here in the US, but I think it has more to do with having a more open mind than it does with culture shock at this point.

Today, the insecurity monster reared its ugly head and took a big old chomp out of my ass. I'm helping a friend work on a brochure for a new performing arts centre. We're in charge of design, layout, and all that jazz. It's been really scary though, because the people in charge just gave us carte blanche on the project. The problem with carte blanche is that it always comes back to bite you on the ass, much like insecurity did a few hours ago. Without fail, those clients who say they don't care about the final result are the ones who nitpick and whine until you're ready to stab out their eyes out with a shrimp fork. Perhaps that's the reason I don't go to dinners with clients.

I've had a sort of artist anxiety today trying to think of cool things we could do with the brochure. I want it to look really good, but I also know that I'm not the most skilled with the graphics programs. Usually I'm willing to live within my limitations, but it's really getting to me this time.

I just hope that we get something we can all be proud of in the short amount of time we have to do it.


I forgot to mention that the link to the survey may make you paranoid for a short period of time. I'm not sure I'll ever look at email the same way again.

Honestly, I hope that T. gets to share his results from the surveys, because I want to know more about what he was asking about.

Be afraid... be very afraid!

PS - If you don't know what I'm talking about, but would like to, take the survey in the post below this one.