Artistic Insecurity

I'm sure I mentioned that one of the worst parts about culture shock and reverse culture shock is the devestating insecurity that goes with it. It seems like any shred of self-esteem and faith in yourself flies right out the window.

I thought that I was done with reverse culture shock. Yes, I still get angry about stupid things here in the US, but I think it has more to do with having a more open mind than it does with culture shock at this point.

Today, the insecurity monster reared its ugly head and took a big old chomp out of my ass. I'm helping a friend work on a brochure for a new performing arts centre. We're in charge of design, layout, and all that jazz. It's been really scary though, because the people in charge just gave us carte blanche on the project. The problem with carte blanche is that it always comes back to bite you on the ass, much like insecurity did a few hours ago. Without fail, those clients who say they don't care about the final result are the ones who nitpick and whine until you're ready to stab out their eyes out with a shrimp fork. Perhaps that's the reason I don't go to dinners with clients.

I've had a sort of artist anxiety today trying to think of cool things we could do with the brochure. I want it to look really good, but I also know that I'm not the most skilled with the graphics programs. Usually I'm willing to live within my limitations, but it's really getting to me this time.

I just hope that we get something we can all be proud of in the short amount of time we have to do it.