That's disgusting!

As I was walking down the road this morning on my way to the Spanish lab (a point of contention in my life currently), I saw a box on a guy I know's lawn. My curiosity got the best of me when I saw that there was a cat's tail sticking out of the box. I thought to myself, "Aww! Kitty's sleeping in the box!" and wanted to see the sleeping fuzz ball. As I looked into the box, I felt that I'd been transported to the set of a Rob Zombie movie. Inside the box was kitty, but in two distinct halves!!!!! Freaking gross!!! Since my mouth was full of bagel at the time, I came extremely close to vomiting. The gag reflex started to kick in, and I ran for it.

I ran to the Spanish lab, where I watched "The Lion King" and "The Spongebob Squarepants Movie" in Espanol. I have learned that anything cool about cartoons does not translate into Spanish for some reason. Perhaps that reason was the fact that I was sitting in a hard plastic seat for three hours, but it is a reason.

On the way home, the box of cat had been moved from next to the sidewalk to near the house. Since I could see the tail of Rob Zombie (as I have now dubbed the dead cat), I knew it was in there still. What broke my heart was that there was a matching kitty sitting beside the box meowing. Poor kitty, may you get past your loss.

OPSonic

I've learned that if you whine long enough, you can get whatever you want in life. I've got years of experience as the youngest child, and the only son. Just ask my sisters...they'll tell you.

Anyway, I've been whining at my friend to start a blog since I started one. He finally broke down, and has been blogging for a week. So, go visit OPSonic's blog and tell him you love him. Tell him he should buy me the new Aimee Mann CD while you're at it.

PS - He's not as gay as the picture at the very bottom of his blog would imply. You have to read the description.

Ahhh...what a day!

Let me just start by saying I haven't blogged all week, because it has been a thoroughly craptastic week. 8 page English paper due Monday, news package and interview due Tuesday, 8 page Mass Communication paper due Wednesday, and today... I most likely flunked a Spanish test this morning, and have a job intervew this afternooon.

I was doing extremely well in Spanish until two weeks ago. I had a 96% in the class, and then messed up on the last test. I got a 70, and it blew all my bilingual confidence. Yo soy estupido hoy! Today's test was horrible. I read sentences where I only recognized articles like the, a, an...but no real words! I just hope I did better than I thought.

I have the job interview in an hour and a half. It's going to be a group interview with 4 managers of the University department I want to work in. I was telling a friend last night about the interview, and someone thought I said I was going to be involved in a gang bang! Not sure why they thought that, but my friend responded that it was fairly similar.

I also had a friend walk by this morning and just shove a burned CD into my hand. It wasn't until I got home that I realized it's the new Weezer CD that's going to be released in two weeks! The marvels of the internet! I'll have to give it a listen, and see if it's worth it. I doubt it'll be as good as the new Aimee Mann or new Ryan Adams. Nothings as good as those two artists.

What a Drag!

I went to the 9th annual ISU drag queen show last night. Diva IX: Allure. It was actually a lot of fun. Sadly, I was around for the second annual Diva show, so it made me hyper aware of how long I've been around the university here.

I had to laugh at parts of the show. Only in Pocatello would the pre-show talent, a group of Queens from the neighboring indian reservation, not be allowed to perform...because they all got arrested the night before! There were rumors of paint sniffing violations...but I'll leave that for the non-PC rumorville. There was also the moment when I realized 3 of the 7 drag queens worked at the McDonalds across from the university. How odd. However, my comment of them being "Burger Queens" was not appreciated by the people I was with. Oh well, it made me laugh. Their loss. I also laughed when one of the Burger Queens almost fell, after her heel got caught between the stairs and the stage. That's what she gets for always skanking me when I get food at McDonalds. PS, bitch, you're a little too fat to be wearing the see through lace outfit you did. Blech!

I also realized that I knew one of the drag queens personally. He's the brother of a girl I used to be friends with. I got to meet his boyfriend, who unfortunately shares the name of a brand of cheap liquor, and catch up on how his family was doing. Life can be so interesting at times.

So, that's my report on the drag show. For Blandella News, this is Rick ****** reporting.

Open Letter to My Landlords' Cat...

Hey cat,

You're really getting on my nerves. It's not bad enough that you always try to sneak into my apartment, but now you sit outside my door and howl to be let in. I knew I shouldn't have let you in last week, but I thought you might catch the mouse in the storage room. Now you think I'm your best friend, and I'm not. Besides, I know it was you who pooped in the entry way, and made it reek. Nice job, fuzzy butt.

I'm also not going to pet you anymore. I'm tired of you trying to claw me after I pet you for about 30 seconds. Also, you reached an all-time low when you tried to bite me the other day! Bad cat! Naughty cat! I don't know where your furry mouth has been!

So, I'm cutting you out of my life. Now, when you're locked outside at night...you're staying out. Hey, you brought all of this on yourself.

Rick

PS - Tell that bitchy black sister of yours to stop hissing at me.

The Gospel of Debbie

Well, I can't leave you on the depressing note my last entry ended on, so I need something upbeat. With a memory prompted by a post on Richard's blog, I remembered this jem by Paul Rudnick. Without further ado, I bless you with "The Gospel of Debbie" by Paul Rudnick.


Recent works like “The Passion of the Christ” and “The Da Vinci Code” seek to illuminate the life of Jesus. Not long ago, an additional text was discovered in an ancient linen backpack found in a cave outside Jerusalem, surrounded by what appeared to be earlyRoman candy wrappers and covered with stickers reading “I [heart] All Faiths” and “Ask Me About Hell.” A parchment diary found inside the backpack appears to contain the musings of one Debbie of Galilee. Many of the pages are still being translated from high-school Aramaic; here are some persuasive excerpts:

October 5

I saw him in the marketplace! Everyone says that he’s the son of God, but I don’t care one way or the other because he’s just so cute!!! O.K., he’s not hot like a gladiator or a centurion, but he’s really sensitive and you can tell that he thinks about things and then goes, “Be nice to people,” and I’m like, that is so true, and I wonder if he’s seeing anyone!

October 21

Everyone says that he’s just totally good and devoted to all humanity and that he was sent to save us and that’s why he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend, although I swear I saw Mary Magdalene doodling in the sand with a stick, writing “Mrs. Jesus Christ” and “Merry Xmas from Mary and Jesus Christ and All the Apostles,” with little holly leaves all around it. And I’m like, Mary, are you dating Jesus? and she says, no, he’s just helping me, and I’m like, you mean with math? and she’s like, no, to not be such a whore. And I said, but that is so incredibly sweet, and we both screamed and talked about whether we like him better when he’s healing the lame or with a ponytail.

December 25

I wanted to get him the perfect thing for his birthday, so I asked Matthew and he said, well, myrrh is good, but then Luke said, oh please, everyone always gives him myrrh, I bet he wishes those wise men had brought scented candles, some imported marmalade, and a nice box of notecards. So I go, O.K., what about accessories, like a new rope belt or clogs or like I could make him a necklace with his name spelled out in little clay letters? and Mark said, I love that, but Luke rolled his eyes and said, Mark, you are just such an Assyrian. So I go to see Mary, Jesus’ mom, and she said that Jesus doesn’t need gifts, that he just wants all of us to love God and be better people, but I asked, what about a sweater? and she said medium.

January 2

Oh my God, oh my God, I couldn’t believe it, but I was right there, and Jesus used only five loaves of bread and two fish to feed thousands of people, and it was so beautiful and miraculous, and my brother Ezekiel said, whoa, Jesus has invented canapés and I said shut up! And then my best friend Rachel asked, I wonder if he could make my hair really shiny, and I said, you are so disgusting, Jesus shouldn’t waste his time on your vanity, and then Jesus smiled at me and I’m telling you, those last seven pounds, the stubborn ones, they were totally gone! And I spoke unto the angry Roman mob and I said, behold these thighs! Jesus has made me feel better about me!

March 12

Everyone is just getting so mean. They’re all going, Debbie, he is so not divine, Debbie, you’ll believe anything, Debbie, what about last year when you were worshipping ponchos? And I so don’t trust that Judas Iscariot, who’s always staring at me when I walk to the well and he’s saying, hey, Deb, nice jugs, and I’m like, oh ha ha ha, get some oxen.

April 5

So Mary Magdalene tells me that Jesus and all the apostles had this big party and that it got really intense and Jesus drank from this golden goblet and now it’s missing and the restaurant is like, this is why there’s a surcharge.

April 23

It’s all over. And it’s been terrible and amazing and I don’t know what any of it means or who’s right and who’s wrong but maybe I’ll figure it out later. Anyway, I’ll always remember what Jesus said to me. He said, Debbie, I can foresee that someday you’ll meet someone, someone wonderful, but for right now let’s at least think about college.

I'm back...

Well, now that I've probably lost all of my readers, I think it's high time I got back to blogging. Life's still full of crappy decisions that need to be made, and I don't want to make any of them. What about the job? What about Scotland? What about graduating in December? On and on it seems to go, and I just get more confused about what to do.

I've realized that I have a problem dealing with pressure. I tend to just go fetal position, both phyically and mentally, and shut down. I shut myself off from the rest of the world, and then get upset about things. I don't know why I do this, but it makes me upset with myself. Not in a self-loathing-I'm-going-to-burn-random-buildings kind of way, but more just disappointed in myself for recognizing my tendency to do this, but continuing in the same silly patterns.

Well....on that depressing note, I'll just say it again. I'm back!

Site Down:

Due to a lack of enthusiasm, or general interest in my blog on my part, Blandella will be temporarily inactive. Perhaps I'll get to it again in a little bit...perhaps not. Life's too busy right now for blogging.

Thanks for your patronage,
Rick