Open Letter to My Landlords' Cat...

Hey cat,

You're really getting on my nerves. It's not bad enough that you always try to sneak into my apartment, but now you sit outside my door and howl to be let in. I knew I shouldn't have let you in last week, but I thought you might catch the mouse in the storage room. Now you think I'm your best friend, and I'm not. Besides, I know it was you who pooped in the entry way, and made it reek. Nice job, fuzzy butt.

I'm also not going to pet you anymore. I'm tired of you trying to claw me after I pet you for about 30 seconds. Also, you reached an all-time low when you tried to bite me the other day! Bad cat! Naughty cat! I don't know where your furry mouth has been!

So, I'm cutting you out of my life. Now, when you're locked outside at night...you're staying out. Hey, you brought all of this on yourself.

Rick

PS - Tell that bitchy black sister of yours to stop hissing at me.