Eye of the Storm

I stand at the eye of the storm. I find myself in a small patch of zen surrounded by the tempests of life. All around me, the wind howls with judgement, disdain, and displeasure. I find peace and harmony instead here at the eye of the storm, and radiate love like a beacon to the forelorn.

Bwahahaha! Who am I kidding?

Things pretty much suck right now. I've got a job interview for the HIV Prevention program on Monday morning, but I have a lot of worries that I won't get the job. While I have no doubts that I'm more qualified than the other applicants, I also realize this is one of those times where not fitting a stereotype definitely will hurt me. I'm not being negative about this, just realistic.

I'm drowning in school work this semester too. 17 credits is about 4 too many for my last semester, when combined with the 20 hours of work and additional volunteer time I'm doing. Things are stacking up at a crazy rate, and I don't feel like I can keep up most days. Weekends aren't for relaxing right now; they're for catching up on homework and housework. I'm also really frustrated with the courses I have to take this semester. Only two pertain to what I want to do with my life, and the others are just hoops for this circus poodle to jump through. Spanish, Pre-History of Europe, and Astronomy do not inspire me; they demean me. Being well rounded is good, but forcing the issue just for the sake of it belittles people. I also struggle with my Independent Study Film course. The big problem is that I forget about it, since there's no real class, and haven't done anything on it to date. Also, I know that my advisor will just hose me over on this one. I could make the best short film in the history of short films, and he'd still only give me a B or C. I say this from prior experience, where I've had to teach his courses for him (due to his incompetence - a charge I don't make lightly), and yet he still grades me poorly. Wanker.

I'm just not sure what to do right now. I know a lot of things need to change, but I'm unsure how to go about it. I need direction. I'm listless and bored. God, being back in Idaho is awful.