Monarch Returns

Ohhh! Oooohhhh! Ooooohhhhhhh!!!!

I just found out that Season 3 of Monarch of the Glen starts tonight on my local PBS! Yay! More Archie, Lexie and Duncan! The dastardly Stella also makes her entrance onto the show in tonight's episode. Yep, dastardly.

This is a fantastic Scottish show, and was what inspired me to go to Scotland next year.I own the first two seasons on DVD, but the third doesn't come out until this summer. I missed the first half of season 3 because I didn't know about the show when PBS showed it before, and only tuned in halfway through.

This is a great show, and I highly recommend watching it.

Fear and Loathing in Pocatello

I'm wallowing in self loathing right now. I should have gone to church this morning, but I didn't. I convinced myself that I didn't have to go because I didn't feel good, and due to waking up late, had little time to get ready properly. A shower before church is a good thing, especially if your curly hair needs to be tamed daily by a good conditioner. I also convinced myself that watching "Angelina Ballerina" on PBS this morning was a better use of my time. Bad Rick! Bad Rick!!

I'm just frustrated with myself. I still haven't figured out those spiritual issues I've been struggling with, but worse, I just ignore them and hope they'll go away. They never go away though, and just continue to grow larger the more I ignore them. I also know that I'll be asked by others why I wasn't there. If I felt they really cared, it would be one thing, but I feel like they're only asking to make sure I'm not up to something bad. Kevin sent me an email this week, saying that he missed me and hoped I was doing well. It was a nice gesture, but it cheesed me off that he didn't just walk across the street from his work to mine, or give me a call. The personal touch makes it much more meaningful.

I struggle with going to church for a few reasons. The first is that I'm upset with God right now about a few things. Actually, that's putting it rather lightly. I think I've just given up on God. I feel like I've lost my faith, and that in the grander scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. The second reason is that I don't feel like anyone at church really gives a crap about me anymore. Jace and Becki are the only ones that take any personal interest in my life, but it tends to only happen one day every other week. We were such good friends before they got married, but that always changes things. It sucks that Becki was one of my best friends, but I'm not even allowed to spend time alone with her, because people thought something improper was going on. Dammit! I'm so tired of having my life dicatated by what someone may or may not think of me.

So, I'm slowly learning how to be more open (eg. less shallow) on this thing. It's hard enough to write those heartfelt emotions and thoughts down when I'm the only one that will read them, but it's freaking horrible when I know others might actually read this. Maybe I need to just worry about audience less, and just write from the heart. I'll keep that in consideration.

Nope. Needs more dazzle factor.

I really liked the film "Dirty War" the other night. I'm a total Anglophile though, so it could have royally sucked, and i still would have loved it just because it was British.

My only complaint about the movie was that it was based on reality. They had tried to make it as realistic as possible, even researching small details for the creation of the film. Here would be my one small suggestion for making it twice the movie. Instead of the terrorists just releasing radioactive material into the air, killing people slowly with radiation poisoning, think how cool it would have been if they released an agent that caused people to become flesh-eating zombies!! Not the new fast-paced hectic zombies, but old-school shuffling George Romero zombies. Oh yeah! That would have ruled!

"I'm Sarah Watson with the Minstry of Defense, and I'm here to investigate the ......aaarrrgh! Get off of my neck! He bit me! He bit me! Arrrrghghhgh!!!"

"Hurry! You have to shoot them in the head!"

"Why did the terrorists do this? The horror!"

Realism points: Zero
Entertainment points: Off the charts

So, future terrorists of the world, although releasing radiation is more feasible, I'd be much more impressed with zombie powder.

I've been listening to LCD Soundsystem today, and I think it's affecting my brain. Doesn't help that I'm sick and have a low-grade fever. Plus, I'm a little bit nuts. Okay...more than a bit.

Dirty Bombs are so hot.

Okay, okay. I broke down and watched "The Simple Life" tonight in between snippets of a really weird "Smallville." Now I finally understand why my friend Jace is always saying "that's hot."

In other news you could care less about, I just found out that my local PBS station will be showing the HBO film Dirty War. It's about what happens when terrorists launch a dirty bomb attack in London. I've been seeing ads for this in magazine's for months, but with no HBO, thought I'd never see it. But now, I get to! Whoopee!! I'm stoked!

In more news, I got my introductory packet from BzzAgent in the mail. I was a little miffed that it had been opened for me already (I severly distrust my mail carrier now). I'm ready to get my free stuff from BzzAgent and tell people all about it. These are word of mouth promotions, in case you're wondering. I found out about it through a New York Times Sunday Magazine article. I haven't done anything cool yet, but I'll make sure to buzz my blog if anything good comes along.

Tell me lies...sweet little lies...

I've come to realize that honesty isn't accepted very readily in these modern times. I've been thinking about this the last few days (after a weekend with nieces and nephews), and this thought was brought to startling reality today in my Media Studies class. We had a candidate for the Television professor position come and give a guest lecture during class. I'd met the man a few hours before, and found him to be a pretentious ass, so I was nonplussed to learn he would be telling our class all about his Doctoral thesis. When a presentation about a thesis is combined with a poor PowerPoint presentation complete with tacky animated gif clipart, I find myself hating life, and Microsoft for providing instruments of terror.

Anyways...the candidate asked how many of us in the class wanted to work in television when we graduated. Even though my emphasis is television production, my department has squashed any desire that might have lurked in my mind of working in tv. So, I said exactly that out loud. Gasp! Shock! Horror! I'm surprised the room didn't erupt into a black hole as all of the air was suddenly sucked into everyone's mouths. One girl made a point of stating, "How rude can you be!" after she had recovered. I'm sorry...I was just being honest.

I now again reference my nieces and nephews. Kids can be simply amazing at times. My niece informed me this weekend that I have gotten fat. Not exactly the nicest statement of the year, but at least she wasn't denying the truth. Just cold, refreshing honesty (at least it was after the ego had recovered.) Later, I heard my sister repeating the mantra of "you can be whatever you want when you grow up" to my nephew. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I don't believe that anymore. When was the last time you saw an astronaut/ballerina/veterinarian/President? Sure, we could blame that on any number of things, but isn't the truth that you just can't always be what you want when you grow up...no matter how many times the mantra of modern American society is stated to you?

I love/hate you Apple!!

Just when I'd convinced myself that no, I did not need an iPod, Apple goes and announces 2nd generation iPod minis! You bastards!!

Better than the 1st, and $50 cheaper!! How can a boy say no?!? What? A $20 student discount, free shipping, and free laser engraving too! Be still my heart!

Now, to decide on a colour. I'm leaning towards green at the moment.

Back from my hiatus

Eeks! It's been a whole week since I last blogged. I'm blaming Crash for it, because I got addicted to surfing through all of his archived entries. I'm still convinced we're long lost brothers, thought not in the same sense Crash thought he was with Andrew. (PS Crash - PBS replayed the Damien Rice episode of "Austin City Limits" on Friday night! Whoohoo!)

Okay, that's only a small part of the real reason I haven't been blogging. Mainly I haven't written because I'm going through some crazy things in life right now, and I'm not sure how public I want to make those issues. Also because the main things I'm strugging with are religious issues, and I know those tend to go over like turds in punch bowls in the blogoverse. Seven years ago, I made a major religion change, at the risk of losing family, friends, etc. Seriously, because of the change in religion, I've had friends and family that won't talk to me any longer. The thing is, at the time, things seemed so right. I was willing to sacrifice because of this inner knowledge that things were right and needed to be done. I don't feel that way any longer though, and now I feel like a fool. I guess I've lost my faith sometime during the last year, and it's coming back to haunt me. I feel like I gave up so many things, and now I don't know if I even believe what I was standing up for. If this isn't making any sense to the reader, it's because it doesn't make any sense to me, so I can't articulate it very well.

I went to Boise this weekend to see my sisters. My middle sister, Jan, had a new baby a few weeks ago. I know that I'll come across like the worlds biggest jerk, but I don't think the new baby is very cute. She takes after Jan's oldest daughter, who's either just going through an ugly phase, or is cursed for life. Judging from the father...I'm guessing cursed. I rejoiced when my other sister, Bonnie, confided with me that she thought both of the girls were on the homely side. The weird thing is that Jan's middle daughter is the cutest thing you'll ever see. She could win those tacky baby contests, and this isn't just a proud uncle speaking.

I thought of Corey while in Boise. He was one of those lucky enough to escape from that place. Kind of like a red-headed Snake from "Escape from LA." Hmmm...now I'm beginning to think Corey should start sporting an eye patch. I predict all the cool kids will be wearing eye patches in the near future. Next season's eye patch will be this season's capelet.

A Valentine's Song

Since Corey posted a Valentine's love song, I decided to get down with my copy-cat self and do likewise. Here's Ryan Adams singing "Love is Hell"...how fitting is that?

There's strange weather in the back of the room
And she's pretty, Jesse's spinning the tunes
Eyelashes, and some white leather boots
God, what have I been drinking?
I could be serious but I'm just kiddin' around
I could be anything, anything but sticking around
Love is hell
Love is hell
Love is . . . hell
Is . . .hell

It's raining, I can see it outside
Funny I'm still in it
Just sitting here with Johnny and Raph'
Untll the room starts spinning
I could be serious but I'm just kiddin' around
I could be anything, nothing, whatever, oh well
Love is hell
Love is hell

The Office at my office

I felt like I was trapped in an episode of "The Office" today. I think my boss and the boss on the show are long lost soul brothers. The similarities are freaky at times. Luckily, my boss hasn't decided to dance for all of us yet.

Today was one of those weird days when everything is kind of odd or funny. I had a discussion with two co-workers about my purchasing a Mac. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten similar looks of sympathy and confusion if I'd declared my intentions to suddenly become a woman.

Later on, I was in one of my boss's offices (lucky me...I have 3 now!!) with my friend Johnny Starbucks. We were making fake PowerPoint presentations about the movie "American Beauty" so that we could write a guide for professors. I thought the title of "How to Look Good Naked" was a very fitting title. Anyway, Johnny looked over and noticed a bible on my boss's desk. He then started asking "What Would Jesus Do at the Office?" "Would Jesus wear his crown of thorns to the office?" Without even thinking, I replied, "Only on casual Fridays." Finally! One little moment of brilliance comes to me, but only Johnny's there to see it. Oh well.

So, just like "The Office", this post has been awkward and only midly funny. Perhaps there's a future for me at the BBC.

Oh, I promised kittens and rainbows. A fake rabbit and a colour gradient will have to do. It is surprisingly cheery, in a sickeningly sweet kind of way.

Sipping on Haterade

I've come to the realization that I'm a hater. The problem is that I'm not totally sure which category of hater I am. All I know is that there are a certain few ladies that I really do not like. I'm not misogynistic by nature, just towards these lucky ladies. With the fear of becoming another Maddox rip-off, here's the list:

Paris Hilton: I realized that I tend to say mean things about Paris a lot, leaving me to wonder why. Is it because I think she's a whore? Yes. Is it because she's a whore that made a homemade porno, then cried when it got released on the internet? Yes. Is it because she's an impossibly whiney whore starring in internet porn? Yes. It it because she's a now pretends to be innocent although she's a whiney poor-man's porn whore? Yes. Yes. Yes. All right. I'll also admit that I am jealous of her in a way. A big way. A multi-billion dollar type of way. Seriously, how is it that she becomes famous for annoying the hell out of me, and then has more money than your average third world nation? Life is not fair.

Jessica Simpson: Seemingly, I am one of the only men that doesn't want to punch this broad in her implants. I HATE dumb women! I don't find it cute, I don't think they're funny because they're airheads, and I don't think it makes my chances of getting in their panties skyrocket, just because they're too dumb to spell their own name correctly. Normally, I'm not for demanding reproductive rights, but when it comes to people like Jessica and Nick, I'm all about selective breeding. Can we get an IQ test attached to wedding certificates, please? Oh, and she needs to be beaten for unleashing her sister on the unsuspecting world.

Beyonce Knowles: Do you hear that? That cat with terminal cancer that happens to be in heat? What?!? That's not a cat?!!? That's Beyonce doing her strangled bird warble...and she's getting paid how much for that crap? "Body's too bootyliscioaarhrahahrharrahaaarrrrgghhhaaarrrgghhhious for you baaaaaybeeeeeee" Come on girl! You can't sing. If that's singing, my neighbor's cat would be the new American Idol.

Tara Reid: Lay off the cigarettes, you Kim Carnes wannabe. How could you not figure out that one of your breasts had fallen out of your dress, while hundreds of paparrazi are snapping pictures like crazy? However, hearing comments about your implant fiasco, with the nickname of Frankennipple being thrown around, makes me hate you a little less this year.

Kelly Rippa: The antithesis of the welfare queen, this woman does it all, and with a gusto to be admired. Too bad everything she does is crap! She would be King Midas, if everything he had touched turned to fecal matter, rather than gold. Regis and Kelly - hate it. Hope and Faith - even the people in the canned laugh tracks aren't convinced. Anything else she does - absolutely hate it, just because she's part of it. Does Regis have to take you to the gas station every morning to fill your head with the air compressor, so that you can make your astoundingly thoughtful comments? Again: file under "I hate stupid chicks."

Well, now that my little rant is over, I'm starting to realize what flavor of Haterade I've been sipping on. Seems to be "Bleached blonde airhead talentless media whore" that makes my blood boil. The difference between me and them? I'm a brunette.

I think this concludes the current streak of mean. I promise the next one will be all about kittens and rainbows.

Attack of the Glamazon Wannabe

There's a girl in my media studies class named Megan. Megan used to be a really cool girl, but she just isn't lately. I think it's because she's 6'2", and has a major chip on her shoulder. This is the kind of shoulder chip that could easily push her into angry feminist lesbianism, a la Vagina Monologues home performances. She think's she's a Glamazon woman, or a cliterati, but she's more of a drab bitch as of late.

Megan, if you happen to stumble upon this, here are a few recommendations to help you revise your image...

1) Lose the nasty spandex leggings. You may be fit, but they give you camel toe. Seriously, you could walk across the Sahara Desert on that thing. No one likes camel toe. No one.

2) Just because you lived in Portland, OR for about three months does not make you an expert on culture. You more or less ruined any illusion of being cultured when you committed the infraction of #1.

3) Being opinionated and political does not make you the new Janeane Garafolo. Even Janeane Garafolo isn't Janeane Garafolo anymore. This does not mean you get to be the new liberal version of Anne Coulter either. Remember, we're trying to lose the bitch image, not magnify it.

4) Stop talking about the BBC until you've at least visited their website, or watched more than 1/2 hour of BBCAmerica in the last year. I can't handle you mutilating what I said about the BBC three weeks ago in class anymore. Please, stop.

5) Two new words for you: Brevity and Tact. I'd suggest you look them up in a dictionary, and commit the definitions to memory.

If you follow my 5 suggestions, I think you'll soon find yourself on a path for success.

All the best,
Rick
(PS - Crash is right. Being mean IS fun!!)

Oh Constantine, where art thou?

After class this morning, I found out that my university's having a special sneak preview of the movie Constantine this weekend. I really want to see this movie, but noooooooooo, I have to go to Salt Lake this weekend!! This would be so much better than the sneak peak of "Mean Girls" I got to see last year. My 14-year-old niece was the only one impressed with that.

Raaarrrghh! There goes my chance of writing a review for AICN, and getting to call myself "Blind Carnivore," or something dorky like that. Corey, if you can get out here to Idaho, it's not too late to get you a ticket. I'll even relinquish the "Blind Carnivore" moniker to you for AICN.

"I coulda been a contender"

Last night I got to hang out at the home of an Academy Award voter's house. This kind of thing just doesn't happen where I live. Come to think of it, nothing really happens where I live. But, to dispel any rumors, Napoleon Dynamite is not what your average Idahoan is like. Damn that movie!! Like Idaho wasn't a PR nightmare before...dancing cartoon potatoes in commercials...eeks!

So, I met Richard Smith, who let some of us media students go to his house. He told us about when he used to work in Hollywood, and showed us some movie trailers he edited. Some were lame, but this guy edited the trailers for Carrie and The Rocky Horror Picture Show!!!

Richard then showed us his new DVD player that the Academy had sent him. They created some new special DVD player that has some magical encoding, made by wood nymphs, so Academy voters can watch all the films on DVD in their homes, and you can't pirate the material. I was excited, but enormously jealous, that he has all of the films nominated this year sitting on his shelf on DVD...which he gets to keep. We voted as a group to watch Sideways last night, after my nominations of Closer and A Very Long Engagement got struck down. Hey, I don't want to drive two hours just to see those films! Sideways was a good flick though, and I hope it does well at the Oscars.

What the hell?

There's nothing else you can possibly say when you happen across the website for Randy Constan's Peter Pan Web Page. This has got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. It's weird enough when a guy dresses up like Peter Pan on a daily basis, but it totally creeps me out that this guy might actually believe he's Peter Pan! Randy also swears he's straight, but I find this to be highly suspect after visiting his fashion page.

You think I'm kidding? Check this out. Here's a picture of Randy in all of his manliness. Oh, my! Is that really Peter Pan?

I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or roll my eyes when I see stuff like this. If you're less judgemental than I am, and happen to be a lady with a faery fetish, Randy is looking his soul mate, a real life Tinkerbell.

Phallic Camel

In my media class today, we were talking about subliminal advertising. My professor was saying how it's her personal opinion that this does not happen, since she never knew of any circumstances when she worked in advertising. That subject's still up for debate.

In the course of things, we got discussing different subliminal messaging, when the subject of Camel cigarettes came up. People claim that there is a naked man hidden in the camel's front hip on the Camel pack. If you have a good imagination, you can kind of see a man with an erection, standing with his hand on his hips. Or a Sasquatch. I'm not sure. Here's the pic...you decide.

Also, we were told that Joe Camel's snout is made to look like a penis and testicles. I can kind of see this, but I think there are some seriously horny people out there with nothing better to do than look for sexual images in pictures.



So, is this a global conspiracy on the part of Camel cigarettes to trick gay men and lusty wenches into smoking their cigarettes? And if this is true, why don't they advertise on Will and Grace? Where's Scooby Doo when a real mystery appears?

Point Sappy

I'm disappointed, saddened, and possibly even a little jaded. What, pray tell, has Rick so worked up? It's nothing big really, but I am strongly disappointed with the new Fox show "Point Pleasant".

Okay, so I wasn't expecting anything life changing. The teaser trailers made it look like "Dawson's Creek" crossed with "Dark Shadows." And yes, I will admit I was addicted to both Dawson's Creek and Dark Shadows, but they had a campy trashiness that made them rather endearing. I just can't believe that I don't like this show. After all, Marti Noxon is one of the producers, and has supposedly written some of the episodes! Marti Noxon! Of Buffy and Angel awe inspiringness! (Yep Corey, another guy that dorks out over Buffy and Angel. My sister wasn't pleased that I got my nieces hooked on those shows, but that's another story.)

So, the past few weeks, I've sat in front of my television expecting to be riveted while Point Pleasant is playing. Instead, I find myself flipping through the other channels, with my adulterous heart aching for betraying Ms. Noxon. I just can't do it though. I can't sit through an entire episode of Point Pleasant. It just seems to drag on and on, while everyone acts like poor carbon copies of the "Desperate Housewives" crew. I don't like the main character either. I'm sorry, but she's not a good actress, and she's got the charisma of a block of tofu. The story isn't all that great either. Seriously, am I supposed to believe that Satan's main henchman is really going to buy the entire town overnight? Didn't they lift that plot line from "Little House on the Prairie"? Come on folks, give me something I can sink my teeth into!

So, needless to say, I'm putting Point Pleasant on probation. If they don't get their act together, they're so not invited back to my house.